Yesterday, it was three years to the day that my father passed away, and also my father-in-law's birthday, and he passed away about 10 months before my own father did.
So for all intents and purposes - it was a pretty shoddy day, and I would usually have been lolling about and feeling bad about life in general.
Not so, not even today - sure I was sad, and the weather around here has been windy, cold and rainy.
What is the difference? Just the small choices that I make with respect to the food that I put in my body, and also in moving around more. I also have a stronger and more positive social network (well I really only have a couple of close friends, but lots of friendly acquaintances).
I am rewarding myself differently now too - now it isn't about oh go and get some chocolate because you did a good job, its how about I go and pick up a health magazine for some inspiration, or go to the library and load myself up with books!
I am enjoying life now, yes, I still get sad, I still get mad ... but the debilitating depressions are slowly becoming a distant memory as my body gets healthier from within, and people are starting to complement me on my shrinking waist.
I think one of the key things is that I don't hate myself anymore, so I am not trying to kill myself slowly with junk food binges.
The other thing too, is that I have a team of health professionals supporting me - it has made a world of difference. It just took a little bit of courage for me to reach out and say can you help me, please - I can't do this alone. And now, I am benefiting from admitting that I don't have to journey alone.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Helpful hints - health and wellness
One of my favourite types of magazines are women's health magazines. Among my favourites are Prevention, Good Health and Medicine (Australia) and Women's Health (Australia). I have learned lots and lots from them. When I am feeling really unmotivated and down in the dumps, I go out and get one of these as a treat, and I am inspired to get back on track and looking after my health.
I am currently obese, but I wasn't always this way. Becoming obese was the result of sitting at a sedentary job, getting my drivers license (it was more convenient for me to drive everywhere instead of walking), getting depressed after my second baby, and being put on medication to help control my anxiety. I ate and ate and sat and sat, and cried, and ate, and binged and ate and binged. My table manners weren't so great - I would hovel down my food without enjoying it, would go back for seconds, thirds and fourths (oh no I might miss out!!!) and ate myself into oblivion, an unending cycle of depression and binging on sugary carbs and foods devoid of nutrient value, and chugging down more than a gallon of cola every day while I sat and stared into space, often with tears down my cheeks.
Why did I do this to myself? Really - I thought that I was worthless. I really did - I really believed that I wasn't worth looking after, so my habits culminated in a slow method of self harm.
My father in law passed away nearly four years ago, and his dying wish was for me to do something about my weight. Anyway - fast forward about seven months from there, I ended up getting a lapband. It was one of the best things that I have done. I was going along really well motivated, but then disaster struck again when my own father died of a respiratory arrest. His body had been severely aged, he was in his early sixties, but had been subjected to various traumas throughout his adult life - the loss of two women he loved led him to become dependent on alcohol, and he tried to deal with his grief from self medicating with alcohol. Two outcomes came out of that - he ended up finding a wonderful lady who looked after him and was married to him for the final 15 years of his shortened life, and he became sober. Unfortunately, grief had taken its toll on his body - he ended up with type two diabetes, and years earlier he had suffered damage to his lungs through a chemical allergy.
I had an interesting relationship with my father - I know I was an extremely difficult teenager, having lost my mother at the age of 12, and then my father's girlfriend after my mother died was murdered by her ex-boyfriend, who then shot himself (and his family found his hitlist and it had my name on it!!!) - anyway suffice it to say, that I loved my Dad, but we never really understood each other, and we each had our own baggage that we never had the time to deal with and come into a common understanding. Sadly he passed away about 4 months after I had my lapbanding done. And so, I couldn't eat much, but I ended up working as a disability support worker, ended up in a perpetuating deep depression and put back on all the weight I had lost since my banding (18 kilos) and drank myself silly with energy drinks, and iced coffees and chocolate.
Then, just a little more than a year ago, I ended up in hospital from a really bad depressive episode, and thought that my life was worth nothing. My stepmother invited me to her home church after I came out of hospital, and the group of people prayed for me, and I was encouraged to listen to the teachings of Joyce Meyer, an evangelist from the US. One of the first podcasts of Joyce's that I downloaded was about how we need to look after our bodies, and that we are under an obligation to look after our health - so that we can do the things that we need to do, and not shorten our lifespan!!!
I started to take serious notes of this, and ended up getting a mental health nurse. I have found that seeing her on a regular basis helped me start taking care of myself physically, and kept me accountable. I started developing a special interest in health.
Here are a few tips I have picked up along the way for eating, and that I have tucked into my food and exercise journal (make sure you discuss any of this with your health care practitioner!):
I am currently obese, but I wasn't always this way. Becoming obese was the result of sitting at a sedentary job, getting my drivers license (it was more convenient for me to drive everywhere instead of walking), getting depressed after my second baby, and being put on medication to help control my anxiety. I ate and ate and sat and sat, and cried, and ate, and binged and ate and binged. My table manners weren't so great - I would hovel down my food without enjoying it, would go back for seconds, thirds and fourths (oh no I might miss out!!!) and ate myself into oblivion, an unending cycle of depression and binging on sugary carbs and foods devoid of nutrient value, and chugging down more than a gallon of cola every day while I sat and stared into space, often with tears down my cheeks.
Why did I do this to myself? Really - I thought that I was worthless. I really did - I really believed that I wasn't worth looking after, so my habits culminated in a slow method of self harm.
My father in law passed away nearly four years ago, and his dying wish was for me to do something about my weight. Anyway - fast forward about seven months from there, I ended up getting a lapband. It was one of the best things that I have done. I was going along really well motivated, but then disaster struck again when my own father died of a respiratory arrest. His body had been severely aged, he was in his early sixties, but had been subjected to various traumas throughout his adult life - the loss of two women he loved led him to become dependent on alcohol, and he tried to deal with his grief from self medicating with alcohol. Two outcomes came out of that - he ended up finding a wonderful lady who looked after him and was married to him for the final 15 years of his shortened life, and he became sober. Unfortunately, grief had taken its toll on his body - he ended up with type two diabetes, and years earlier he had suffered damage to his lungs through a chemical allergy.
I had an interesting relationship with my father - I know I was an extremely difficult teenager, having lost my mother at the age of 12, and then my father's girlfriend after my mother died was murdered by her ex-boyfriend, who then shot himself (and his family found his hitlist and it had my name on it!!!) - anyway suffice it to say, that I loved my Dad, but we never really understood each other, and we each had our own baggage that we never had the time to deal with and come into a common understanding. Sadly he passed away about 4 months after I had my lapbanding done. And so, I couldn't eat much, but I ended up working as a disability support worker, ended up in a perpetuating deep depression and put back on all the weight I had lost since my banding (18 kilos) and drank myself silly with energy drinks, and iced coffees and chocolate.
Then, just a little more than a year ago, I ended up in hospital from a really bad depressive episode, and thought that my life was worth nothing. My stepmother invited me to her home church after I came out of hospital, and the group of people prayed for me, and I was encouraged to listen to the teachings of Joyce Meyer, an evangelist from the US. One of the first podcasts of Joyce's that I downloaded was about how we need to look after our bodies, and that we are under an obligation to look after our health - so that we can do the things that we need to do, and not shorten our lifespan!!!
I started to take serious notes of this, and ended up getting a mental health nurse. I have found that seeing her on a regular basis helped me start taking care of myself physically, and kept me accountable. I started developing a special interest in health.
Here are a few tips I have picked up along the way for eating, and that I have tucked into my food and exercise journal (make sure you discuss any of this with your health care practitioner!):
- keep myself accountable - keep my appointments, and fill out my daily exercise and food journal
- am I really hungry? try drinking some water first and see if that sates my appetite - apparently sometimes we can mistake hunger for thirst. So drink some water and see how you go
- try to exercise for about 30 minutes per day - I have access to an exercise physiologist which I have found excellent, walking is also a good option (*get a health clearance before you exercise from your health care practitioner)
- don't reward yourself with food - find other ways to reward your achievements
- sit down to eat with a knife and fork, and minimise distractions
- eat mindfully and enjoy your food - chew thoroughly and notice the taste and texture of your food, don't just hovel it down
- cook smaller portions to minimise food wastage
- put any leftovers into a microwave reheatable container and into the fridge for a ready made lunch
- use a smaller plate to help with portion control
- take small bites and place your knife and fork down in between each mouthful, don't just auto-load your fork with more food
- don't eat the kid's leftovers from their plate!!! compost if you can, don't add it to your waistline - try to make sure that you don't cook to much so that you minimise wastage. Your wallet and your waistline will thank you
- I don't use food as a bribery for my children, my mother (God bless her) used to reward me with food, and it is extremely difficult to get out of the habit of eating chocolate each time I do something good - that doesn't mean to say that we don't have treats! I just limit them to sensible times and not for things like the kids cleaning their rooms.
- I like the support of a dietician - before you go and see your dietician though, for your first appointment, try to track your food and drink for about a week beforehand.
- Pick up some cooking skills & make things that are simple
- for a quick "takeout" idea when you are up against the wall in a food emergency, a quick trip to the supermarket to pick up a hot chicken, some bagged salad and some crusty bread won't go astray (for vegetarians pick suitable alternative to chicken)
- When I do go for a treat, I buy the best quality I can get, and have smaller quantities of it, and enjoy it mindfully
- Above all enjoy your food
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